I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
