So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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