Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
