there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
