please come you make the beer taste better
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
