PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
