It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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