You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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