Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
