how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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