the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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