if only i could text you this smell
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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