did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
