trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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