I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize