remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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