Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
