We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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