Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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