I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
