just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
