i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
