he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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