dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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