I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
