That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
