I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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