he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
