Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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