Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
