so explain again why im purple
no
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
