Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
