Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
