Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
