Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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