he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
