Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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