The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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