worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
