Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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