If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
