Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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