Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
