Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
