I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
