I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
