My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
God, I missed his penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
