I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
