You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
