Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
