OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
