I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
