i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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