Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They are going to name an STD after you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
