Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
