I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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