I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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