No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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