you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
