I met the friendliest cop last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
