Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
