Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
