sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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