Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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