please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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