I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
