we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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