Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
